I’ve been silent mostly this week in terms of blogging and social media. The anticipation of a life-changing event with other rather shocking epiphanies have ushered me into a contemplative state. All of it has taken me to this desire to keep my focus inward- on my baby, on my husband and son, on my home, but in a way that is so very different than the person that I’ve become that has shared so much about us via this blog. If life were an ocean and my family were navigating through it on a boat, I feel as though I was on the top deck with the captain, declaring our steps out loud as the flow of the waves carried us out on the sea.
Lately, I’ve retired to the lower level and I’ve withdrawn from being seen in order to take care of what’s going on on the inside. I’ve ceased to question and analyze which direction the waves are taking us and I’ve simply been just preparing and caring for me and my littles as we sail on this ship into the horizon. What will all of this mean for my blog and for me and my family in the next few months? I’m not sure I have all of the answers just yet. I have somewhat of an idea, but I’m leaving it up to time to continue to reveal the next phase for us. I would hate to jump ahead and try to attempt to figure it all out. I just want to do what my instincts are telling me to do and that is to just focus inward. I did, however, want to share ten things I’m thankful for with you all. This will be brief, but with the state that I’m in, I believe it is much needed:
1) My Maker and the Creator. Though many have left me or have moved on from us over the course of this pregnancy, I realize that He has carried me through this all along. I placed my trust in Him as the creator of this entire process and He has held me through it all.
2) My husband. He’s been riding the waves with me since the day we said we wanted to be man and wife, but over the course of this year, he has stood by me and has opened his mind to so many new things with me, especially concerning pregnancy and birth, and I’m grateful for how he has supported me every step of the way.
3) My toddler. He keeps me light and airy. He does the cutest things when I really need to see or experience it, but probably won’t understand or even know what he did until he is much older. I’m thankful for every hug and kiss that he has given. Every smile. Every laugh. He amazes me daily.
4) I hate to call out names, but my friend Ericka. She’s been my friend longer than an actual season and that means a lot to me. With all of the changes in my life, it is nice to be able to say that I’ve been able to pour my heart out to at least one person who understands all facets of me where I don’t have to filter out some things because of extreme differences in perspectives. She gets it on so many levels. She’s a woman. She knows who I am. She’s real and she’s encouraging. If this is something that will only last for another season, I’ve come to accept this as apart of life, but in the meantime, it’s been something nice to have these last several months.
5) Having a knit/crochet group of women that I can get away and chat with every week. So far so good with this group. We leave the religion, politics and controversial issues at home and we bring our needles and our yarn. The conversation is stimulating and the company of adult women has been great.
6) Lizzi. You should have known you’d be on this list, my dear. That one day that I talked to you meant so much. That was a hard day and if there was one person that I knew I could reach out to because I felt like what I thought was a support system had just stepped on me, it was her. She delivered in a very big way and, yes, it was over the internet. Thank you, Lizzi, for being there!
7) Crochet. It’s become another love as you all know by now. I finally finished that blanket and now I’ve been working on some matching place mats for our dining room table. Fun. Fun. Fun.
8) Being in the 35th week of pregnancy.
9) Thankful to have arrived at a more comfortable point in the pregnancy. Weeks 28-34 really did seem like they were a time of extreme growth. Though movements are still strong, it does feel like the baby is a little more snug in there so it’s not as uncomfortable this week.
10) Time. If growing dread locks, miscarrying a baby and then getting to this point in pregnancy with a new one and so much more hasn’t taught me anything else, it has taught me that time is something I’m grateful for. I’m not sure if you are familiar with the process of growing dread locks, but it is a very long process that requires patience as you allow them to form. I’ve had mine for about 6 months now. After miscarrying a baby earlier this year, it was definitely an even bigger struggle with relinquishing control and just trusting the process of pregnancy once we got pregnant with another baby soon after. Having done it this long without any outside affirmations or consultations from the medical world has taught me a serious lesson about patience and time.
What are you thankful for this week? How are things with you and your family? I’ve missed everyone. Looking forward to making my rounds and seeing what’s been going on with you all.